Color Me .... Thin?

I'm going to continue on with the weight thing again this week, mostly because it's permeating my life. I've gained another two pounds and my "fat" jeans are creating muffin-top. Frick. Ironically, I have no appetite for anything, but I continue to scrounge for something delicious to eat every morning after I put Nora down for a nap and before I start working. I just want to feel alive or something. I don't mean to sound so dramatic, but I think that is the appetite I'm trying to satiate. It seems so easy to overload my plate with obligations before I feel like I've eliminated any space to enjoy something that reminds me I'm Rachel. Something that reminds me that when I read, the story becomes part of my conscience, that when I listen to music it represents the flavor of my emotions, that watching a really good movie takes me to an alternate universe in which I take a mental vacation from my life's problems, that baking pies, cakes, cookies, muffins, and anything else in the realm of delicious makes me feel like a creator with control, that writing this blog makes me feel like I have a voice worth stopping to hear, and that watching "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" makes me feel like I'm an incredibly intelligent and rational female. It's important that I remember I am not only a mother to three gorgeous, life-inspiring children and wife to a steadfast, equally-inappropriate soulmate, I am also a veritable rainbow. I've decided to set aside 1 hour each day to remind me of my colors. 30 minutes a day moving my body in a way that doesn't involve hauling a 4 year-old and an 18-month old out of the car or handling any cleaning tool. That would mean, dancing like Seinfeld's Elaine, stretching my ham hock legs to make jump shots, or getting dirty in the backyard yanking out weeds or overgrown plants. 30 minutes for reading, writing, playing Words With Friends, or watching trashy television. I owe it to myself, my kids, my husband, and anyone else who has watched my sparkle fade, to refill my color palate. If that is full, maybe I'll stop trying to fill a plate of a different kind.